chapter 2.8: creativity is thy name
Lately I've been trying to work on writing creatively with droplets of creative juice that runs from a tightly squeezed brain. I wish I was as creative as some musicians or poets or as some journalists or storytellers. Nevertheless, I have to start somewhere. Since God is a creative God, I believe that I can be creative too.
Haha..I think...
So I will try to post up some of my work for feedback :)
The danger of developing low self esteem might just arise but there's always risks anyway. So bring it on! :)
So here are my thoughts in poetic form. I find it dark. Maybe that's because I love to write whenever I am feel down. It brings out the raw emotions that I need to release so that I don't sink into depression.
Tell me what you think *bracing myself*
Days…
They just evaporate like vapor
Time waits for no fool or the wise
You either waste it or use it
For the fool, time is a plenty…
For the fool never has anything to do but merely exist
But time is precious to the wise as how a woman is to her betrothed
Sigh….
Am I a fool or a wise man?
I find myself living…merely existing...
But I’ve also found myself being productive
Can such a person exist?
They call me “Thankful”
Only because I am in the right place, at the right time
Boasting is not evident here…don’t get me wrong
I wish I knew why I keep saying “Yes”
Hmmmm…
Could I be “People Pleaser” perhaps??
Lord, why do I find it hard to keep relying on You?
It shouldn’t be that exhausting
Where have I gone wrong?
Have I allowed myself to work my mind too much?
Or have I lost the essence of communion?
Or have I just missed the train?
I only look for You when I want something
Typical of me isn’t it?
I only look for You when I am wasting in my rottenness
I only look for You when I need grace and mercy
I only look for You when I grow weary
I only look for You when I am poor
But I never look for You when I have it all
I never look for You when I have nothing to do
I never look for You when I am peppy
I never look for You when I am on my mountain
I never look for You when I am filled
How does a God of all creation put up with such a bug?
This bug should have been squashed long ago
But no!
This bug is still leeching on to earthly food
And this bug doesn’t want to let go
I am fed up with this bug
But I need more than just a frustration
I need anger from within
To pry this bug away
Not human anger..rather Holy anger
Frustration isn’t going to pry the bug…
It’s only going to feed it even more
Lord, I wish I knew what You are thinking at this moment
I wish I knew who You are
I wish for the determination to do so
I wish I practiced what You preached
But these are only wishes
Only You can make them come to pass
Help me…..
20th March 2004
