6 posts from May 2008

All seems quiet now.
The winds have died down. The storm is over.
All feels serene. Why is it so?

I can see the ground now. The waters have receded and the dust clears.

I know what I have to do now. And I need to do it well. Not all is lost neither is all achieved.

Though caught in the middle sometimes, I do not have to chose sides. I need to fuse both together. I will continue to journey with tenacity and not give up.

*selah*

The music resides in me. Gotta know how to bring it out. Gotta let it naturally stream. Gotta not let anybody tell me otherwise. They have their own call and I have mine. Will work hard to bring something that's of worth to the table. Gonna make You proud one day. Thus begins my cocoon phase.

*selah*

Joy of seeing others break out of their shell leaps in my heart. I hope that you will open your eyes to see beyond what you see now. There is so much more out there and I hope that you will feel the same heart beat I feel. There will always be problems within and around your world but there are also problems out there which need your attention. The 2nd mile is yours to go if you will.

*selah*

Wherever Your will takes me, I will need Your strength to go.
Whenever Your voice utters, I will need faith to believe.
Whoever You send me to, I will need Your compassion to care.
However You use me, I will need Your grace to see me through.
Whatever You ask me to do, I will need Your wisdom to teach me.

I cannot take this anymore

I feel my life is crashing like before

The circumstances pushed me to this place

Why did you slap me in the face?

I cry out with no voice

No one can hear me make all this noise

The cuts are deep and the bruises hurt

Why did you treat me like dirt?

Where is my savior?

Where is my deliverer?

Am I all alone?

Like that woman, am I to be stoned?

A light, a hand, a grip, a word

A grace I’ve never heard

A forgiveness I’ve never felt

A love that seem to melt

Brought to a place so secure

A plane where I can be sure

I am no longer alone

No longer on my own

This peace I feel

Makes me real

This serenity so sweet

Heals me, bring me back on my feet

Stillness so calm, so gentle

I can find my soul settle

In this place my rest is nestled

I have found my solitude

In You

I see pieces of my life strewn over

The fall was hard

The pain is great

Soul regain looks impossible

I see the pieces strewn over

I hold a piece in my hand

I feel the edges

Where did this fit before this?

Pieces are puzzles

I will never find what fits where

Just too many pieces

Broken

The pain is too great

I lash at those trying to pick up a piece

MINE!

Stay away!

Flashing my fangs

Growling deep within

Pleasure came up to me

She sold me some glue

Fix it

It works

You won’t feel the pain anymore

But the pieces wouldn’t hold

In a blink

It all came apart

Time

Over time the pieces lay strewn

But over time the pieces shift

Fitting itself back together

An invisible hand

Picks up one by one

And like a jigsaw

Puts it back together

There were no more seams

Every piece fit

So trace of brokenness

This jar of clay is whole

Beauty of heavenly glory

Adorns this jar no longer tainted

The potter is also the painter

This jar has color once again

Has life again

This life feels secure

No need for her glue

No need for defense
You melt my defense with Your touch

The potter knows best

Brokenness is part of His work

Brokenness makes me stronger

Lately I've been trying to work on writing creatively with droplets of creative juice that runs from a tightly squeezed brain. I wish I was as creative as some musicians or poets or as some journalists or storytellers. Nevertheless, I have to start somewhere. Since God is a creative God, I believe that I can be creative too.

Haha..I think...

So I will try to post up some of my work for feedback :)

The danger of developing low self esteem might just arise but there's always risks anyway. So bring it on! :)

So here are my thoughts in poetic form. I find it dark. Maybe that's because I love to write whenever I am feel down. It brings out the raw emotions that I need to release so that I don't sink into depression.

Tell me what you think *bracing myself*

It has been 4 years...

Time flies by so quickly.

I want to remember how you kissed me. I want to remember how you smelled whenever I sniffed your head. I want to remember how your eyes always speak to me. I want to remember how you hugged me. I want to remember the times spent with you. I just can't on this day. I don't know why. Every year this time, this day, this moment, I try so hard to remember but I just can't.

It frustrates me because I just miss you so much.

It's May 5th. It's always the happiest day of our lives. You brought out so much in us, in me. You gave us so much. Gave me so much.

Everyday I think of you. I think of what you are doing now with Him. All the things you wanted to do. All the questions and words you wanted to utter. All the games you wanted to play. All the songs you wanted to sing. All the laughter you had in you. I know you cry no more nor you suffer in pain no more. I know you can run all you want and jump as high as you want. I am glad you are in a better place. A beautiful place beyond description. A place where we will meet again. I hope I can recognise you. The first thing I will do is run and hug you. And I know this hug will definitely last an eternity.

The day you left was the same day I told God I'm going in. It's been 4 years since now. I'm still here. Running my race. I wish I was strong as you enduring the race. I wish I was as strong as you enduring the challenges. I'm still holding the baton. I'm still running. And I will finish because..........I WILL.

I will continue to miss you dearly. As all of us will. We will see you soon...but not yet.

I love you so much, Jeremy.

Your ko ko.