Posts (page 2)
I see pieces of my life strewn over
The fall was hard
The pain is great
Soul regain looks impossible
I see the pieces strewn over
I hold a piece in my hand
I feel the edges
Where did this fit before this?
Pieces are puzzles
I will never find what fits where
Just too many pieces
Broken
The pain is too great
I lash at those trying to pick up a piece
MINE!
Stay away!
Flashing my fangs
Growling deep within
Pleasure came up to me
She sold me some glue
Fix it
It works
You won’t feel the pain anymore
But the pieces wouldn’t hold
In a blink
It all came apart
Time
Over time the pieces lay strewn
But over time the pieces shift
Fitting itself back together
An invisible hand
Picks up one by one
And like a jigsaw
Puts it back together
There were no more seams
Every piece fit
So trace of brokenness
This jar of clay is whole
Beauty of heavenly glory
Adorns this jar no longer tainted
The potter is also the painter
This jar has color once again
Has life again
This life feels secure
No need for her glue
No need for
defense
You melt my defense with Your touch
The potter knows best
Brokenness is part of His work
Brokenness makes me stronger
All caged up
Chained by the neck
Dragging a tonne everywhere I move
"You are no good!"
"You'll never be as good"
Weight of the condemning
Upon my back
A bright light
A glimmer
A candle lit in the darkened chamber
A distant voice calling out
A whisper perhaps
It's loud
"You are FREE!"
Chains shatter
The weight is still there
Wounds heal, hurts fade away
Broken wings mended
A door opens
Bursts of light gushes into the chamber
Eyes are opened to the world beyond
Winds rushes in
Wings are soothed
The voice calls out again
"Fly..."
Fear builds up
Courage floods the soul
Fear screeches and flees
Wings spread wide, strength returns to my legs
Running, speeding up, momentum building..
TAKE OFF!
Freedom flies again
Lately I've been trying to work on writing creatively with droplets of creative juice that runs from a tightly squeezed brain. I wish I was as creative as some musicians or poets or as some journalists or storytellers. Nevertheless, I have to start somewhere. Since God is a creative God, I believe that I can be creative too.
Haha..I think...
So I will try to post up some of my work for feedback :)
The danger of developing low self esteem might just arise but there's always risks anyway. So bring it on! :)
So here are my thoughts in poetic form. I find it dark. Maybe that's because I love to write whenever I am feel down. It brings out the raw emotions that I need to release so that I don't sink into depression.
Tell me what you think *bracing myself*
Days…
They just evaporate like vapor
Time waits for no fool or the wise
You either waste it or use it
For the fool, time is a plenty…
For the fool never has anything to do but merely exist
But time is precious to the wise as how a woman is to her betrothed
Sigh….
Am I a fool or a wise man?
I find myself living…merely existing...
But I’ve also found myself being productive
Can such a person exist?
They call me “Thankful”
Only because I am in the right place, at the right time
Boasting is not evident here…don’t get me wrong
I wish I knew why I keep saying “Yes”
Hmmmm…
Could I be “People Pleaser” perhaps??
Lord, why do I find it hard to keep relying on You?
It shouldn’t be that exhausting
Where have I gone wrong?
Have I allowed myself to work my mind too much?
Or have I lost the essence of communion?
Or have I just missed the train?
I only look for You when I want something
Typical of me isn’t it?
I only look for You when I am wasting in my rottenness
I only look for You when I need grace and mercy
I only look for You when I grow weary
I only look for You when I am poor
But I never look for You when I have it all
I never look for You when I have nothing to do
I never look for You when I am peppy
I never look for You when I am on my mountain
I never look for You when I am filled
How does a God of all creation put up with such a bug?
This bug should have been squashed long ago
But no!
This bug is still leeching on to earthly food
And this bug doesn’t want to let go
I am fed up with this bug
But I need more than just a frustration
I need anger from within
To pry this bug away
Not human anger..rather Holy anger
Frustration isn’t going to pry the bug…
It’s only going to feed it even more
Lord, I wish I knew what You are thinking at this moment
I wish I knew who You are
I wish for the determination to do so
I wish I practiced what You preached
But these are only wishes
Only You can make them come to pass
Help me…..
20th March 2004
It has been 4 years...
Time flies by so quickly.
I want to remember how you kissed me. I want to remember how you smelled whenever I sniffed your head. I want to remember how your eyes always speak to me. I want to remember how you hugged me. I want to remember the times spent with you. I just can't on this day. I don't know why. Every year this time, this day, this moment, I try so hard to remember but I just can't.
It frustrates me because I just miss you so much.
It's May 5th. It's always the happiest day of our lives. You brought out so much in us, in me. You gave us so much. Gave me so much.
Everyday I think of you. I think of what you are doing now with Him. All the things you wanted to do. All the questions and words you wanted to utter. All the games you wanted to play. All the songs you wanted to sing. All the laughter you had in you. I know you cry no more nor you suffer in pain no more. I know you can run all you want and jump as high as you want. I am glad you are in a better place. A beautiful place beyond description. A place where we will meet again. I hope I can recognise you. The first thing I will do is run and hug you. And I know this hug will definitely last an eternity.
The day you left was the same day I told God I'm going in. It's been 4 years since now. I'm still here. Running my race. I wish I was strong as you enduring the race. I wish I was as strong as you enduring the challenges. I'm still holding the baton. I'm still running. And I will finish because..........I WILL.
I will continue to miss you dearly. As all of us will. We will see you soon...but not yet.
I love you so much, Jeremy.
Your ko ko.
There is bumper sticker that says "On Call : God does not call the qualified, He qualifies the call."
I have never felt qualified. Never. In fact, I have always felt that I do not belong to that place. The level of intellect there is beyond me. The "scholars-to-be" scare me. The intensity of the "holier than thou" annoys me. Some think they are always right. Some think they have what it takes. And most do not care. They say they care. They say they are ministers of the gospel and yet they do not really care a hair's breadth for others in the field. Only those who are convenient and of the same bird cage.
I have no idea till today why I was chosen. The privilege is an honor but the comprehension of it baffles me. I honestly do not have a lot of smarts in me. It has never been good enough to bring to the table. I have no experience. I have no qualifications. I am below the required level of substance. Yet, here I am.
What is Your plan in all this? Where do I fit in eventually? There's so much that needs to be done in this life while I'm still in here.
I have nothing to bring to Your table. You said You will see me through. Please. I really need it. My own strength fails me. You said Your hand is upon me and all I have to do is allow You to place me wherever You desire. I find that I do not fit.
Is this a cycle that I am going through again? Please help me. I look at my plate, I find nothing worthy to bring to Your table. I look at my efforts, I find it unworthy. I look at myself, I see a misfit.
Please show me what I can bring to Your table.
Dear Diarrheee.....a :)
It was a lovely day today. I had such fun playing with the butterflies and prancing in fields of daisy. Oh, what a bliss it was. The roses and lilies' aromatic fragrance filled the air and it tickled my senses. Oh Diarheee...a, I will never forget this day. Never. Good night.
YEAH RIGHT!
My goodness. The rain! The lightning and thunder! It was brighter in the office than it was outside! Ugh.
At least basketball later is indoors and hopefully the players there are in a good mood too. Time for some whooping.
In any case, it was been a fruitful day. Despite the lack of inspiration today, I shall post a rather short one with boring black fonts that will hurt your eyes when you squint long enough reading it.
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Did I mention I have a verbal constipation? The congestion is killing me. So much on my mind but am constipating. Need to take a mental laxative. Simpsons........... ;)
Will blablabla later.
Peace out.
Today's favourite letter is...'S'
S is for....
Sunshine...
Storm...
StreSSSS.....
STUPIDiTY......
S t r e t c h ....
Strife....
Sanity.....
S a l v a t i o n
I am scheduled to preach this sunday...*shudder*
PJK is away for a time spent with her family in a land far, far and away. Therefore, the champion preachers ('suhuahua', 'karen maren', 'danny not so tan' and 'paster' gweneth chooeth) and noobie (jonless koo) are on the air this weekend! :) Technically we're preaching on the ground but on the air sounds cool.
Shiver me timbers! It's gonna be an exciting weekend! 5 different preachers over 3 services. Go figure that out! Better yet, come for service!! ;)
Will not spill anymore details. Just come!
....
......
@#$*&!!&@^!!
@_@
o_O
-_-
^_^
Lord it was You,
You created the heavens.
And Lord, it was Your hands
That put the stars in their place.
Lord, it was Your voice
That commands the morning.
'Cause even oceans and their waves bow at your feet, O Lord.
Lord, who am I
Compared to Your glory?
Lord, who am I
Compared to Your majesty?
'Cause I'm your beloved,
Your creation,
And You love me as I am.
You've called me, chosen
For Your kingdom.
Unashamed to call me your own-
I'm your beloved.
I just love the lyrics to this song. Who are we that the Lord of heaven and earth would call us His own?
The atrocities that we have done; the warrant upon our heads; the evil that resided in us; the deliberate rebellion of our pride; the disobedience and stubbornness to truth - all of this put Him on the cross. My crimes became his punishment. My destination was His mission. My darkness called for His light.
All this, and still He abandoned all to embrace shame and pain to make me His own. That mission glorified Him and placed Him above all only to see these come to past - my life immortalized and that I am given a name, "Redeemed".
This is not merely an Easter message but a daily message. "That while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
Isaiah 53:5 - "But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed."
It's not about whether we do good deeds or whether we reach perfection in an imperfect state. It's not about whether we lived our whole life being kind to others. It's not about whether we have accomplished the dreams or acquired the wealths of life. It's not about whether we are religious. That was never the point.
We will never reach a plateau of happiness and completion by our own. We are only but clay. Easily broken and simply made from dust and earth. How could we ever think we could have the universe at the palm of our hands? Everyday we try to be a saviour to someone in contrary to the very fact that our souls cry out for a Saviour everyday. We say we do not need a God but the very depths of our hearts yearn for someone who understands our hurts and hope someone could heal the open wounds. Like the song says, "..who am I?..Cause I'm Your beloved."
The wonder and the mystery of agape is not for the mortal to grasp but to receive and be enveloped by it's power. It is for the mortal to respond and reciprocate though with human limitations, nevertheless with totality. This power is so great that it breaks the bond of death that was warranted upon our heads that we might never stare in the face of eternal damnation ever again but to step in to the presence of that power in eternity.
This love reached beyond the cross and the empty sepulchre. The cross was the end of the wrath and the beginning of the redemption. The empty tomb was the climax of the mission. Love conquered all.
Who can love such a person like you and I with such intensity?
There is only One...
